I can’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t fantasize about killing myself. My dad was gay and lived his whole adult life inside the Mormon church. It told him he needed to be straight and for most of his time he lived that pretend life. That fact, combined with my upbringing and social circle, kept me highly motivated to craft a testimony of the church at all costs. Despair filled most of my life. And the monumental task of endless hopeless searching for impossible answers.
Everything started to change for me when I found ida smiths youtube interview on the sealed portion. Finally my hopeless searching seemed to be worth something and not just a product of my own shortcomings. Every hope I have for the future of my life is thanks to the work that Christopher Nemelka is doing. There’s a high likelihood that I would have killed myself from depression and blatant curiosity if this work did not exist. Ending poverty and protecting the innocence of children vastly outweighed anything that I learned from the Mormon church and countered every supposed argument it had of its own importance. I feel like I can breath and finally choose for myself what I believe.